i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
