I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
