He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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