am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I need to sanitize my soul.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
