"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
