when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
