She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
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