And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
