but the lizard people decide everything anyway
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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