Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
