I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Randomize
