im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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