I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
