You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
