I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
