im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Randomize
