When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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