babies were throwing up all over the place
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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