I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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