Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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