I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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