Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
