apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Randomize
