Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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