he wants to bone in the snuggie
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You're a waste of cheezeits
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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