Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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