Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
We got so high we made milksteak
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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