my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
