i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize