i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
