Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
