so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
