is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
