If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Randomize
