how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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