Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
