An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
