What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
