They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
