You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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