one might say we're banned from that church
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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