they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
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