He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
