Yo dont text me then not text me
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize