what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
