i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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