Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
as a side note pls kill me
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
