apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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