I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
