she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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