Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
