My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
