So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
