when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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