Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
he wants to bone in the snuggie
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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