Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize