I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
