My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
