Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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