theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
