are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
