its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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