elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
My ATM looks so different sober.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
