so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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