i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
