Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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