It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
