Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
