Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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