I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
