i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
