i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
