I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
