sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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