If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
They have beer where we have blood.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
