My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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