This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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