Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
