My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Randomize