its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
