Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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