The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
